You might not be my first love. But you are the love that makes other seems irrelevant.
I was looking at you while you were eating that lamb satay with super hot chili. You noticed me and threw your sight away, "don't look at me, hahaha". I just met you 2 years ago but somehow I felt like I had known you forever. A kind man that might not enter my life twice. A kind of man that seems like the answer of my prayers. A kind of man that I hope can be together until we are grey and old.
Yesterday was a history. Tomorrow is a mystery.
But today is a gift, that's why we called it "Present".
Everytime I saw a varsity jacket, I saw a pride. A pride that the students brought with them everytime they showed off their jacket by wearing them. A pride for their school, a pride for their achievement (correct me if I'm wrong, seem like the varsity jacket originally made for the baseball players? the players' number and initial was sewed into their jackets).
She combed her wavy hair and put some make up on. She chose to wear whitish look with a shade of pink. After doing twirl in front of mirror, she grabbed her purse and go downstairs, straight to the living room. When her eyes met his, her cheeks turn rosy. He stood up and smile. "You looked absolutely beautiful as always", he complimented her. Before she could say a word, he reached her hand and said, "let's go!".
Seeing clouds floating above her head through the sunroof, feeling the kiss from sun on her skin, passing by hundreds of trees outside the car, and sitting next to person that means the whole world for her; she felt extremely lucky. "So what is the name of your outfit today? Angel in Disguise, Pale-ntine, Summertime Madness?". She rolled her eyes and quickly replied, "Umm, Pinky Shade of Slay? hahaha". He laughed and said,"hahaha, I see, you totally slayed my sanity right now". They both burst into laughter. Certain things might catch her eye, but only him that captured her heart.
If parallel universe does exist, will we meet each other again there? will us hate each other there? will us have different squad? or in contrary, will we able to hold hand, yet still smiling from our hearts? will your
touch still give goosebumps to my arms? will your stupid and indecisive
texts still make me laugh? and, will I, still in love with you?
I knew you were trouble when you walked in, and I still came close to you without considering disaster that you might bring into my life. You're such a toxic but I'm addicted to it. If I can alter time, I would not give you my number on that day. And I wonder how my world will turn out without someone powerful like you, powerful enough to make me die a little inside every time you show up in my dreams.
We often fall in love with ideas. Idea that she/he is the one. Idea that what she/he does, is for us. Idea that she/he has a pure white heart. Idea that our reality may be similar to korean drama. And when those ideas don't become reality, we get upset.
I have to admit that the last time he asked me to accompany him somewhere, gave me difficulties to sleep. I felt too happy, to leave reality. A simple text from him, able to make my chin up. Silly pics of him, filled up my phone's gallery. I was too drowned in this 'ideas of him' until I realize he might be doing this not for me, but himself. He might ask me to accompany him not because he wanted to spend time with me, but to make him feel not alone. He might send silly pics of him not only for me, but to his other friends too. He might text me not to catch up with me, but to shoo away his boredom. The way I thought I was treated special by him, may just ordinary things for him.
She closed her eyes. The silence sang lullaby straight into her ears. She fell into deep sleep right away, forgetting the never-ending battle between her logic and her feeling everytime her conciousness was up. She thought the overdose amount of antidepressants that flew within her veins would help to let go the sore in her chest, but it wasn't. She wished that she would never open her eyes again, but she got herself breathing on the next morning. With the sorrow that had consumed sparkles in her eyes, she gazed to the window near her bed and whispered to herself, "can I just be happy?".
The day I met you is the day I believe I was lucky. I was keeping myself busy on my phone in the corridor and you accidentally dropped your papers. Lots of papers. Ah, reckless boy. I got up from my seat and helped you to clean the mess. You looked tired. I offered myself to help you bring those gigantic load of papers to place you should bring it. With a thin smile, you made up your glasses and say "yes please, help me bring it to my car if you don't mind". It was a lucky day, luckiest day I guess. We didn't talk much, but when we reached your car, you asked if you can text me or be a friend in a chat application. That's when all of these things started.
Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.- Liam Neeson
I was not believing in love, again. I left a guy that became a knight that helped me with my works because I just wasn't have feelings for him. I also was in a frienemies condition with a guy that I used to love but turned out to create big trust issues with me lately. I knew love existed, but somehow I thought it probably forgot to come by into my life. Everything was perfect for anyone else but me. I felt that something was missing in my life and I couldn't find it.
Though I was dying in the circumstances, I tried not to let down anyone. But that's not working, even I created wounds in myself and other. I learned that without inner peace, you can't do anything. You can't. Then I happened to read that quote from Liam Neeson. I said to myself "I am not going to let myself in pain, anymore".
My mom told me to forgive but not to forget, so you couldn't be fooled twice. Seemed like I misunderstood it and took it as "not forgiving at all". I still can't get it, how can you forgive someone without not forgetting their faults? Because if you still remember their faults, those anger and disappointments stay still in your heart and mind. And for me, if I want to have peace and forgive, I have to forget. And I finally understand that forgiving is about giving peace to you, not just about you are right and they are wrong. People may call us foolish, but the most foolish person might be the happiest one.
I'm feeling like a fool every time I remember my love story. We both are like asymptote line, we can get closer and closer but never meant to be together. But he's my cup of tea, at least he was. Now, as we don't speak anymore, his existence starts to fade between my schedule. I also get myself busy towards other things, yes you can call it as my denial of his memory. I don't wanna sit in the corner and always be remembered by his sweet things. I'm letting you go, as my past love. But I made promise not to wave goodbye to you, I will try my best to work our friendship, keeping it in the best way it could be. If you read this, please understand that I was having a rough time, adapting to live without someone I really care.. but you are my cup of tea, and always are.
Romwe shirt - Charlotte Russe tank top - Nevada Jeans - HerVelvetVase heels
Hi and hi. After all these months I post about my outfit again! I have thought about abandoning this blog and do my works in college, but everytime I have spare time, I always find myself writing love stories and taking pictures again, to be posted here. I can't express how I like writing beautiful sentences. Maybe I should write a novel? hahaha it was my childhood dream and I dunno if I can make it happen. Now, I am positioned at a critical position in my student organization. I can't easily say no and have myself a lazy time, because they need me. It's also out of my mind to get this position. I just volunteering and helping in the events that held by the organization, but one day, out of blue, I was chosen to have this position. Doing things that you love, can make you go far..
And this post actually was for the Christmas outfit! haha look at the green and red there! however I was too busy managing my "job" in organization, college works, and lately, my own entrepreneur project, so this post was suspended until earlier Feb, ahaha. I'll write more about things that I'm working on, soon! So excited to share about my project with you all :)
Till we meet again, fellas! Believe me I'll get myself back here in every spare time that I have :)
Hi readers!
Yes I have to write some apology sentences to you all for ignoring this blog again and again, putting it in idle condition. My campus life has been so busy lately and it's actually drowning me with lots of activities that I don't expect... if I did it last year. How big the difference a year could make, just like those quotes thingy, and I think that's true. My first year in college was great.. and I'm turning into whole new person.. thanks to student organization in my faculty. My whole life, I think to be involved in student organization is a waste of time, I can do much more productive things and that's not including having a role in student organization.
Friday morning, 6 AM. I woke up and I didn't even remember my dream, usually I did. I just felt really motivated to start a new day. People said that you knew you were in love when the reality was better than your dreams, and I agreed. I felt the adrenaline ran in my blood, kept my heart beating fast and my mind went wild, wondering how amazing it would be when I finally sat in front of him and listened to his stories after a long and tiring day.
There's only one happiness in life: to love and to be loved in return.
Dear the shy boy that secretly has the heart of gold,
You are the one that catch my eyes recently. First time I met you, I didn't expect to fall in love with you, at all. But I have to admit that I get interested quickly with smart guys. And that leads from just a "wow, he's so damn smart" to sparkles in my eyes every time you are around.
Sometimes I wonder why my heart chooses you. Feelings work in mysterious yet illogical ways, those things that my brain can't take, are the same things that my heart insists to have.
Dear my love, please be in love with someone else better than me. It would break my heart into pieces, but it'd also give me courage to move on. Because as long as we are still close, my heart would always want you and my brain can't stop it, my brain can't stop that ridiculous thing called love. My heart would still skip a beat every time I see your smile. My knees would still turn into jelly every time I hear your deep and manly voice. My body would still feel safe near your strong arms. My lips would still smile when I see your stupid random acts. Those feelings are beautiful, but I'm enough with this, I can clearly see how this one ends.
I'm thankful to have you turning my world upside down and bring my heart in a roller-coaster. I wish I could fall in love with someone else, to heal my wounded heart just like you heal me once. But until that time, let's create good memories of us, so when it comes to wave goodbye, we are wearing smile in our lips and don't let the tears out of our eyes.
Hello readers!
Yesterday was Indonesia's Independence Day and I want to say that I'm proud to be Indonesian. This outfit was inspired by Independence's Day occasion, and maybe for fashion blogger standard, this is not red-and-white enough.. hahaha... I think that's right, but this time, I am not going to show how nationalist I am.. I prefer to share this simple look that somehow represents me and my country: Independence.
Hi all!
Finally! an outfit post. hahaha. I have been so busy with lots of advertorial writings offer these recent months. However, the advertorial writings that I wrote in this blog, are those that I think you guys should know. Especially the iPrice article, I think it helps a lot for my "online shopping" routine :)
Finally! an outfit post. hahaha. I have been so busy with lots of advertorial writings offer these recent months. However, the advertorial writings that I wrote in this blog, are those that I think you guys should know. Especially the iPrice article, I think it helps a lot for my "online shopping" routine :)
The improvement of technology is amazing, I bet most of us have already used smart gadget, haven’t? However with the high-tech around us, people are still afraid of maximizing the provided feature. For example, women are still afraid of online shopping. They don’t want to be cheated by the online shop owner. I have also been cheated once, I ordered a cloth and had paid for it but it never came.
Hi all!
I love this flamingo shirt so much.. it's my current crush during the summer.. Actually I don't expect that the back side will be as "see-through" as that because when I see the picture at Romwe, it seems like it's not "see-through". Sometimes our monitor screen or image picture fools us.. however the shirt is still really nice and perfect for the hot summer. Here in my tropical country, we don't have issues with snow or cold temperature, it's mostly hot all the time (except the rainy season) so this piece of clothing will not be my summer fling anyway.. it can be worn at any time, along the year :)
Going Out -- RoseWholesale Summer Giveaway inside! (closed)
By Helena Natanael - Thursday, April 17, 2014
Hello!
Spring is just around the corner! it's green all the time in my country, haha.. so my wardrobe is dominated by spring-summer outfits.. Loving the spring vibe on my Persunmall bag! that's why this post is titled Hummingbird heartbeat. I try to mix the spring vibe with starry shirt, and it turns out good I think, haha.
Hi all!
My school has just started and it's getting to be really stressed. The pressure is everywhere and there're tons of tests that I have to pass through. I'm leaving high school in less than 4 months and it's really insane.
I discover this empty house abandoned by its owner, and I think this is a good place to take outfit. I like hidden places, because sometimes I feel uncomfortable if people passed by and looking at me taking outfit pics, lol. This empty house reminds me with the empty place in my closet where I used to put my DSLR. It breaks my heart everytime I remember it's taken by stranger.
Happy New Year 2014!
I'm so excited yet a bit scared about this new year. Because lots of things gonna happen in this year. Graduation and college life. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not ready. I still wanna play around and don't wanna grow up yet. But time flies and I don't have any power to pause it.
I wore this on my friend's birthday party. This is my last outfit post taken by my Canon DSLR. My DSLR is lost, with all its equipment such as charger, lens cleaning kit, and bag, also with 2 sunnies inside my camera bag. The one who find it is really lucky, right? At this moment I just don't know if I will continue posting outfit posts. Seems like this blog is going to become a random chitchat blog like it used to be before.. this incident just breaks my heart. My plan to join the photography club at college is also just a dream now. I just wish my camera could back, or my parents are generous enough to give me a new one. I just keep "everything happens for a reason" quote in my mind these past few days. Maybe God is directing me to find new hobby.
