She closed her eyes. The silence sang lullaby straight into her ears. She fell into deep sleep right away, forgetting the never-ending battle between her logic and her feeling everytime her conciousness was up. She thought the overdose amount of antidepressants that flew within her veins would help to let go the sore in her chest, but it wasn't. She wished that she would never open her eyes again, but she got herself breathing on the next morning. With the sorrow that had consumed sparkles in her eyes, she gazed to the window near her bed and whispered to herself, "can I just be happy?".
June 21, 2016
February 29, 2016
written @ 9:43 AM
The day I met you is the day I believe I was lucky. I was keeping myself busy on my phone in the corridor and you accidentally dropped your papers. Lots of papers. Ah, reckless boy. I got up from my seat and helped you to clean the mess. You looked tired. I offered myself to help you bring those gigantic load of papers to place you should bring it. With a thin smile, you made up your glasses and say "yes please, help me bring it to my car if you don't mind". It was a lucky day, luckiest day I guess. We didn't talk much, but when we reached your car, you asked if you can text me or be a friend in a chat application. That's when all of these things started.
February 4, 2016
written @ 8:41 PM
Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.- Liam Neeson
I was not believing in love, again. I left a guy that became a knight that helped me with my works because I just wasn't have feelings for him. I also was in a frienemies condition with a guy that I used to love but turned out to create big trust issues with me lately. I knew love existed, but somehow I thought it probably forgot to come by into my life. Everything was perfect for anyone else but me. I felt that something was missing in my life and I couldn't find it.
Though I was dying in the circumstances, I tried not to let down anyone. But that's not working, even I created wounds in myself and other. I learned that without inner peace, you can't do anything. You can't. Then I happened to read that quote from Liam Neeson. I said to myself "I am not going to let myself in pain, anymore".
My mom told me to forgive but not to forget, so you couldn't be fooled twice. Seemed like I misunderstood it and took it as "not forgiving at all". I still can't get it, how can you forgive someone without not forgetting their faults? Because if you still remember their faults, those anger and disappointments stay still in your heart and mind. And for me, if I want to have peace and forgive, I have to forget. And I finally understand that forgiving is about giving peace to you, not just about you are right and they are wrong. People may call us foolish, but the most foolish person might be the happiest one.
I'm feeling like a fool every time I remember my love story. We both are like asymptote line, we can get closer and closer but never meant to be together. But he's my cup of tea, at least he was. Now, as we don't speak anymore, his existence starts to fade between my schedule. I also get myself busy towards other things, yes you can call it as my denial of his memory. I don't wanna sit in the corner and always be remembered by his sweet things. I'm letting you go, as my past love. But I made promise not to wave goodbye to you, I will try my best to work our friendship, keeping it in the best way it could be. If you read this, please understand that I was having a rough time, adapting to live without someone I really care.. but you are my cup of tea, and always are.
Hi and hi. After all these months I post about my outfit again! I have thought about abandoning this blog and do my works in college, but everytime I have spare time, I always find myself writing love stories and taking pictures again, to be posted here. I can't express how I like writing beautiful sentences. Maybe I should write a novel? hahaha it was my childhood dream and I dunno if I can make it happen. Now, I am positioned at a critical position in my student organization. I can't easily say no and have myself a lazy time, because they need me. It's also out of my mind to get this position. I just volunteering and helping in the events that held by the organization, but one day, out of blue, I was chosen to have this position. Doing things that you love, can make you go far..
And this post actually was for the Christmas outfit! haha look at the green and red there! however I was too busy managing my "job" in organization, college works, and lately, my own entrepreneur project, so this post was suspended until earlier Feb, ahaha. I'll write more about things that I'm working on, soon! So excited to share about my project with you all :)
Till we meet again, fellas! Believe me I'll get myself back here in every spare time that I have :)