Everytime I saw a varsity jacket, I saw a pride. A pride that the students brought with them everytime they showed off their jacket by wearing them. A pride for their school, a pride for their achievement (correct me if I'm wrong, seem like the varsity jacket originally made for the baseball players? the players' number and initial was sewed into their jackets).

If parallel universe does exist, will we meet each other again there? will us hate each other there? will us have different squad? or in contrary, will we able to hold hand, yet still smiling from our hearts? will your touch still give goosebumps to my arms? will your stupid and indecisive texts still make me laugh? and, will I, still in love with you?

I knew you were trouble when you walked in, and I still came close to you without considering disaster that you might bring into my life. You're such a toxic but I'm addicted to it. If I can alter time, I would not give you my number on that day. And I wonder how my world will turn out without someone powerful like you, powerful enough to make me die a little inside every time you show up in my dreams.

We often fall in love with ideas. Idea that she/he is the one. Idea that what she/he does, is for us. Idea that she/he has a pure white heart. Idea that our reality may be similar to korean drama. And when those ideas don't become reality, we get upset.

I have to admit that the last time he asked me to accompany him somewhere, gave me difficulties to sleep. I felt too happy, to leave reality. A simple text from him, able to make my chin up. Silly pics of him, filled up my phone's gallery. I was too drowned in this 'ideas of him' until I realize he might be doing this not for me, but himself. He might ask me to accompany him not because he wanted to spend time with me, but to make him feel not alone. He might send silly pics of him not only for me, but to his other friends too. He might text me not to catch up with me, but to shoo away his boredom. The way I thought I was treated special by him, may just ordinary things for him.

She closed her eyes. The silence sang lullaby straight into her ears. She fell into deep sleep right away, forgetting the never-ending battle between her logic and her feeling everytime her conciousness was up. She thought the overdose amount of antidepressants that flew within her veins would help to let go the sore in her chest, but it wasn't. She wished that she would never open her eyes again, but she got herself breathing on the next morning. With the sorrow that had consumed sparkles in her eyes, she gazed to the window near her bed and whispered to herself, "can I just be happy?".