Let me feel this feeling... even if it's just temporary..

because nobody can make me smile like you do..

Recently, I feel a strange feeling that I haven't felt for years. I remember exactly when the last time I feel that, it's 11th October 2010, the day when I breakup with my (ex)bf. Since that day, I can't feel anything. I became a cold, geek, and boring girl. In try to forget the heartbreak, I study all day long, never touch internet and computer again, and neglect this blog, for approximately 6 months (until the National Examination for 9th grader, Junior High School). I wanna show him and the world, that Imma rare girl, and breaking my heart will be the worst mistake that he ever done. Then yeah, I'm pretty satisfied with the achievements I reached because of the "broken-heart attack".

Okay, that's just an intermezzo. Now, let's back to the topic. I feel a strange feeling that I haven't felt for years, I'm pretty sure that's love. I always wait for his message, looking at my blackberry every minutes like a fool.. then when his message appear, I can't stop smiling. I sleep late, I wake up early. Recently he becomes my sunshine in my cloudy days. He brings what I have asked to God every night. He fulfill the emptiness in my heart.



Every time I open my eyes in the morning, the first breath I inhaled is for him. I still here, it's because of him. But, I don't have the brave to tell him this feeling. I just feel...this is not the right time. I have to wait. For now, I just wanna consider this as a dream, not reality. I'm too scared to "wake up", I'm too scared of losing him. I just wish that he could feel what I feel right now, and still look at me with his shining eyes, like yesterday, without changes... I'm just too shy to say "I love you".

It's almost two month after I started to feel this, and now I think it's time to move on. I can't stuck here forever, waiting for him. Though I have a strong feeling for him. We both are way too different. So, I decided to let go.. and call him "my brother", not "my love". I wish all the best for his education and life. (Now he studies about medical treatment, in Pelita Harapan University) If we could turn back our time, I will hold myself not to talk much with you.. I'll try to not fall with you. Meeting you, I even don't know is it a miracle or a mistake..



However nothing's gonna change my love for him. I just try not to show my feelings and caring for him anymore. Actually we all, the humans, will never stop loving someone.. we just try to live without them in our life. Dear Mr. J, once again I wish u all the best :)

I'm letting you go not because you're bad or something else..


it's because you make me wait for too long.